Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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