Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
