he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
