Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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