Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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