well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize