Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
