she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
