apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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