sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
