Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Terrible idea I love it
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
