My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
