Betty ford says i'm here all night
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
