omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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