apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
