woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
