So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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