so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
