i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
