Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
