idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Do you still have your period?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
