So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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