I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
