Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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