I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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