dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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