U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
