I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
