i love accidental penises.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she peed on how many people?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
