I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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