It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
