Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
