just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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