put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
