dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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