you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
