another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You know, be my cock's hype man.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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