I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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