forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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