Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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