i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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