So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
