Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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