The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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