I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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