why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
