I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize