just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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