apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
