Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
