when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
