New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
