eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
