Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
