This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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