i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
