guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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