Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
