I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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