A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
