You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
