You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
