Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
