..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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