And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
